So when I go back, there are things that bother me like how late Jansen was introduced (only briefly in episode 4, seriously) whereas she becomes an integral character soon after, the lack of detail on the media that QU actually releases (and how it ties with the MCPD), the amounts of time elapsed between a few of the episodes (most notably between Ours And Ours [episode 2] and That's Your Cue [episode 3] where there is a five month jump, easily the longest in the season), the details on the weight of the Luke Tahrn case when presented to Juliana, and much more.
What are some of the changes I'm looking into currently? Well...
- Jansen is introduced in a new scene in Ours And Ours where she storms the penthouse suite, squad in tow, of the Full Tilt Casino where Juliana had killed it's owner, Timothy Edmonds, in the first episode. They move in on an anonymous tip, and they do so with extreme caution. There's nothing but a few drunk looters trying to get in the door to the suite and Timmothy's body inside. They seal up the leaking window, and Jansen inspects the scene-- including the elevators. Dave comments on how leaving the body was a nice touch, and how the viewers would eat it up.
- In the beginning of Manifest Nights, Juliet and Jansen have a conversation at the alley way crime scene with the obliderated convict about how the blood traveled and where the killer struck from. Hadn't planned on going all CSI, but I had this really interesting picture in my mind of Juliet in her pretty dressy clothes with a crime scene authorization laminent around her neck and latex gloves on, looking at the crime scene where she, for all she seems to know at the moment, thinks Juliana had a field day.
Now featuring: Context
- As mentioned earlier, there's to be more of a focus on the media release stuff from Quote UnQuote and the process it goes through. Though much of this is something that will be included solely on the visual medium, there is still some aspects that are necessary to explain, without slowing down the story unnecessarily. These things include Juliana and Juliet's modeling, speaking on air, communications with reporters, columnists, anchors, etc.
- The situation with Trovial's war and how Tahrn is one of the biggest liabilities in humanity's case is explained much earlier; the end of Ours And Ours, to be exact. Makes it clear right from the get-go why he's such a massive threat and why the militaries need his capture or his body so desperately... which is why they recruit some well-established Manifest local talent...
- Episode 9's title changed to "Burnout" (formerly "Misguided Souls").
- Expansion in the mention of different races. As I have it, unless a member of a human government controlled branch (QU doesn't count in this case), just about any passerby can be of another alien race. The larger majority of them will be human, however, seeing as Manifest was created by the United States governement as 'A bit of Earth to share' during first contact (which is ironic, considering it's now home to the Xeno Hacker, "Pool Hand" Luke Tahrn). Human run, but open ground for multi-racial visitation. Earth is the same now, mostly, but there is a larger strain on who (if alien) is allowed to live there. And for those of you wondering if there will be an attractive race of aliens that are, to our perception, all female, I can confirm it here that there will... just following one of the greatest classic multi-race sci-fi tropes out there.
You'll notice that in this first season, one of the few races getting script mention is the heavily emphasized upon Ramnent. The reason that I mention them far more than any other is clear as day; they're a massive part of the season's conflict, and the target of Tahrn/Nucleus' deranged experiments.
- More of Juliet's thoughts on Fitzgerald, along with more conversations between the two, without lessening the impact of her tell-all to Jansen in Listen To The Lights. Also, a toning down of how much she pours her self to Fitzgerald in Burnout. I want their romantic plotline to fit with the tone and pace of the over-arcing story, not cause eyes to roll. Same goes with Juliana and Jack's story.
- The entire opening scene of the series takes place quite a bit before what we have now (Juliana going up to the penthouse suite in the elevator). It's very cinematically presented, with each character's full name being presented in creative ways, in the spirit of a movie or television show's cast during the intro. It features Juliana getting on a public transit to the casino and showing everybody's routines in preparation for work. It says nothing about Juliana's profession until after the opening credit titles, to which she enters the casino, flirts with Timmothy downstairs in the lounge (this changes up the dynamic of their conversation later on), and then prepares for the job in a rented saferoom-- donning her CASE armor.
|Like this, minus the broken nose/band-aid.|
It's pretty exciting going back and making all of these great changes; they really enhance and enrich the story that I have planned. These are not all the changes I'm to make, however, there's still much more to be done, and those of you willing to re-read these expanded episodes will be sure to get a kick out of it.
Right now, only the two-act finale remains, in the base writing process and I'm having a blast with it, all of these plotlines coming to a head... and creating new ones as they tear on, mercilessly into the future of Fatale.
PS- I briefly considered lessening the harsh beatings Juliana recieves throughout the season.